Raining, Pouring and Snoring

I don't want summer to end, but today was the last day. *sniff*. The weather has definitely turned colder. It's been chilly and windy and rainy and just dreary. Joel finally cleaned the furnace filters and so maybe I won't freeze to death tonight. My bedroom is the most freezingest in the house because, ---and you must remember that this is the ghetto--- the window is missing the inner pane.

I do have my own bedroom, in case anyone was wondering. It's like 10x10, which is miniscule compared to the master bedrooms I've always had since I was 18. Of course I had to share a master bedroom with my then-husband for 10 years, but still... it was big and roomy, and for the last five years of marriage I mostly had it to myself due to his military stints ranging from a few days to a few months. Then when I bought my condo in smalltown Cali, the master bedroom was perfect. I had two dressers, an armoire, a nightstand, a Jamaican dressing chair and my king size four-poster bed that I just love. At one point I also had a computer desk and rolling chair in there when I allowed Del (first pseudo-boyfriend) to move in. My home office became his bedroom. Twice. That is one of the rules of being in a pseudo-relationship. You live together and have separate bedrooms. As I do now.

But you know what? I love having my own room. I don't know that I can ever share a bed with a man again. I don't mean for sexual purposes of course. I just mean sleeping. After sex, I just want to spread out in my own bed and fall asleep without having to listen to a guy snore. And I would have to say that 100% of the men I've slept with in the past 5 years have snored and it bugged the crap out of me! That is definitely a deal breaker. Well, almost. I guess it can be medically fixed, right?

Sometimes I do miss snuggling up next to someone at night. But mostly I'm happy to curl up with Teddy Bear and take as much of the covers as I want. This is my life for now, and I am content to sleep alone. I just don't want to be freezing cold! Time to break out the down comforter.

My Baby is Walking. Seriously!

I know it's been forever since I've posted; 10 days in Blogland is an eternity actually if you ever keep up with someone's blog. You expect them to post on a daily or almost-daily basis. And I think about it everyday; I really do. I compose entries in my head and want to log in and type, but I've been making the effort to get to bed at a decent time (with my good friend Ambien tucking me in). But the big exciting news is that my little baby boy is WALKING!

It really is one of the most thrilling sights in life. I never understood why parents made such a big deal of it, but I can kind of see why now. Joel and I sat about four feet apart and just encouraged him to go to the other parent. He would make it about three or four steps and then fall forward upon one of us. That was last Sunday, Sept. 10th I think. Then I got out the camcorder and set it up the next evening and videotaped him walking about 8 or 10 feet. I've watched that video at least a couple dozen times, and in it I'm laughing with such joy and awe. I'm so glad I captured the moment.

Tyson is still a little unsteady in his walking, but he's gaining more confidence each day. He chooses to walk on his own and seems so thrilled with himself that he's actually walking without any support from anything. He still prefers crawling though because it's a faster way for him to move around, and that's okay with me. Everyone was right. They don't stay babies for very long.

In other news, I've lost about 2 pounds. That's naked on the home scale of course. At the doctor's today, it was 139.2, which is still under 140, thank God. The hunger tends to dissipate as diet hell goes on though. The bad news is that I haven't been exercising at all. But with my doctor's visit today, I'm hoping to get my life somewhat back on track. I used to love teaching and earning good money. I used to date men and have sex. I used to go to the gym and run at the Mission in smalltown Cali. I miss living across the street from where I worked and skipping home for lunch. I miss my friends and going to Happy Hour on Fridays. I used to have a wonderful hairdresser, Fred, who I saw once a month. I used to be a size 4. My life is so different now. Back then, I used to cry into my pillow almost every night because I felt so unhappy. And now I'm here. I don't cry very often anymore. In a way, I guess I'm content with my life because I realize that I'm fortunate to have Tyson and can stay home with him. I have money in the bank and I don't have a schedule.

In an issue of Glamour from sometime last year, someone said how you can "have it all." You just can't have it all at the same time. I've found this to be so true. It's like I've always wanted to complete the whole puzzle, but God won't give me all the pieces at once. He distributes a few at a time, and you get some placed, but then He takes a few pieces away and gives you several more. I guess by the end of my life, I'll have touched all the pieces, and in my mind I'll be able to see the whole picture. All right, enough with jigsaw puzzle analogy.

What else has been keeping me from writing here is Grey's Anatomy. I rented and watched all of Season 1 and am now working on Season 2. Tomorrow night is the premiere of Season 3, and I'll have to videotape it because I won't be done watching all the previous episodes. Yes, videotape, because I don't have TiVo like everyone else in the world. It's an okay show. The characters are actually annoying, except for Dr. Miranda Bailey a.k.a. The Nazi. I'm glad I just rented the series instead of buying it. (I love Netflix by the way!)

So now you know where I've been and what I've been doing-- By day, being amazed by a toddling bundle of energy and cooking decent meals for him; by night, curled up on my chair-and-a-half watching a mindless medical drama. Aren't these puzzle pieces just great?

I'm Huuuunnnggrrry!

I've been doing really well with my diet. It's Day Three of starving, but what I call starving isn't what's defined by the U.N. I'm sure. Trust me, I really am eating; I'm just not eating whatever I want, whenever I want, which is how I gained these 20 pounds that I am now saying buh-bye to. It doesn't help that I've been looking at on-line recipes for Coca-Cola cake. I'm having a terrible cake craving.

I still get a glass of sweet tea in the morning. I can't possibly live without my sugared-up tea. I've tried making it with Splenda, but it tastes disgusting. Joel made some scrambled eggs for Tyson for breakfast, but I knew he wouldn't eat them, so I ate the two eggs and a little bit of scrapple. After that, I went back to sleep while Tyson napped at 1 p.m. We didn't get up until 4:30! I had one KFC drumstick for lunch/snack, and then I made baked fish for dinner with scalloped potatoes and green beans. See? All in all I'm not eating much. For a small treat I did munch on a couple handfuls of caramel popcorn that Joel bought yesterday. And there is a huge bag of it just sitting on the table.

I've been making a huge effort not to be nasty toward him. That's my first goal. I've resolved that I should try to be nicer and not grumble and bitch and complain. I think this blog helps me a lot with my feelings. Writing has always been a good outlet for me. It helps me reflect; it helps me get anger off my chest. It helps me to keep my resolve. At least writing here lately, I've felt that way.

It's been thunderstorming the past few days. A lot today, so I haven't been walking. But I did some crunches last night and I can feel it in my abs today. I would like to go out somewhere tomorrow, but I'm not sure if we will. I would love to drive to Rocky Mountain National Park and just walk around and get some pictures. I wish Tyson could walk though. That would make it so much easier. But he'll be walking soon enough I'm sure. He'll be 15 months old on Sept. 17, and my hope is that he'll be walking by the end of the month.

Other than the diet, not much is going on right now and it is late. My Glamour magazine finally came in the mail today (but the renters' check didn't!) so I'm going to go snuggle up in bed and see what fall fashions are out there that I might actually consider wearing.

Starving and Chores

It's my last night of freedom... that's what it feels like anyway. Tomorrow Joel comes back from being out-of-state. I go back to being annoyed at his burp blowing, marathon bathroom sessions, bad grammar ("Him and I were talking..."), and saying "ya'know" all the time. I know that sentence wasn't very parallel, but I don't care. I'm ranting. As usual. If you don't know what I mean by parallel, then you ought not be entering the Kingdom of the Grammar Queen. [insert trumpets playing here]

Today I felt like I was starving. I've put myself on this 1200-calorie diet because I really want to drop 10 pounds fast. I feel like if I could just drop a size in clothes then I'll be really happy and feel better about my body. I weighed in at 140 pounds this morning. If I can lose 2 pounds a week then that's only 5 weeks until I weigh 130. Wow! I can do math. I know I need to exercise more though. Yesterday I took Tyson for a walk and pushing that stroller up these ghetto hills is no easy feat. I walked for at least 30 minutes. The air was not fresh however. It was 7:30 p.m. and people's garbage had been sitting out on the sidewalks all day. I guess everyone didn't get serviced because of the Labor Day holiday. So there was an odor to go along with the dilapidated views.

I talk to Ty as we walk. We always see dogs and cats, and I point them out. At 14 months, he isn't talking yet. Not a single word. Not even Mama. But he understands a lot of words. He definitely knows blankie, racecar and balloon. He was a bit of a pill today. He got into everything I was working on, and if I put him somewhere to play on his own, he cried. He didn't eat much either. I think he's cutting a new tooth. He did enjoy his bath though and I put him to bed at 9. He fussed a bit for a little while, but he is such a good sleeper. He cries out briefly during the night, but he doesn't wake up.

He doesn't cry in the mornings either when he wakes up. Our rooms are right next to each other and of course the walls are paper-thin, so I can hear him babbling to himself. Sometimes, not very often, he bangs on the adjoining wall from his crib and I think he's telling me to wake up and come get him! He has always been a pretty good baby. Thank goodness he takes after me in that he is not a morning person either! He is just content to stay in his crib and let me sleep until I come get him, which didn't happen today until 1 p.m., poor little guy. I love him so much! Why am I such a bad mother?

I was supposed to start doing yoga today with my DVD that I bought sometime last year, but of course I never got around to it. I want to get fit! But I was not a complete lazy ass. I straightened up my side of the garage where I had a bunch of stuff piled up and it was starting to spill over into the walkway. It took two hours to go through it. I had to assemble two small shoe shelves in the house and then I was able to move shoeboxes inside. I have bags of stuff to donate to Goodwill and recycling to drop off. I went through one box and unpacked my Pretty as a Picture figurines and finally displayed them in my room. I haven't seen them in over two years! Has it really been that long? I'll have to blog one day about my move here from Cali. It was a fiasco!

I did some laundry. Actually what I had to do was re-wash the dog beds, most of which are old sheets and towels. Joel took them to a Laundromat one evening, and then deposited them in the garage, but they were stinky! I wonder if he even used any soap. If he did, I know he used only one little scoop of that Bioquest crap or whatever it is from his "business." Oh dear. That's another post for another day as well. So I re-washed all the sheets and towels and one down-comforter bed. I cleaned the kitchen, took out the garbage, and spot-cleaned the carpet near the garage door that was black with door-hinge residue or something. I only worked on it for a few minutes but it looks somewhat better. Joel can be a lazy ass too and not attend to things that really need to be taken care of.

I bet he'll be happy I straightened my stuff in the garage though. I also vacuumed the shavings from where he drilled in the wood to hang his work-out mirror. That was bugging the crap out of me; I'm not sure why. He's got a Shop-Vac right there, stored like 15 feet away from where the mess was. He says he's "detail orientated" but honestly, I don't think so. He says he likes a "clean house" but his bathroom can get awfully disgusting. I think he cleans it once every two months. His shower is still filthy. Thank God I don't have to use it. He has a big garden tub too, but he just uses it to collect dust balls. I was actually thinking about cleaning it and having a nice soak in there this evening. I guess today's Denver Post article about Japanese tubs influenced me. But I ran out of time tonight, and now I'm really tired. Tomorrow's plans are to starve again and go walking. I'll have to remember to take my camera with me so I can take pictures of some of my favorite ghetto trailers.

Friends Come and Go

Joel is finally out of town on business this week, thank God. I love having the house to myself and being able to shower at 1 a.m. if I want to. I gave my cocker spaniel a bath tonight too; she really needed it, poor girl. I vacuumed and did a load of laundry. I'm Miss Productive when I can do my own thing anytime I want and not have to worry about making too much noise. This is why I love when Joel is gone. But he'll be back on Friday.

I finally saw Julia on Monday which was Labor Day. I took Tyson and drove over to her mom's house, which is not in Aurora after all but in east Denver off of I-70. Julia is so frequently wrong about geographical stuff like that. I went to Jamaica for Spring Break last year, and Julia told another friend of ours that I'd gone to Tahiti! Anyway, I met her mom and mom's boyfriend, and, oh my goodness, Julia the apple did not fall far from the momma tree. That woman can talk and talk and talk. But she is a very nice woman of 70-something and that boyfriend of hers is a real gem. Julia and I finally got out of the house and went to the Downtown Aquarium, arriving at 5:40 p.m.

It was a nice place. I loved the otters and got some good pictures with Ty and them. Tons of fish were seen of course. The sharks and moray eels were highlights too. Julia, who is 20 years older than I am, and I got to catch up with each other while strolling around the exhibits. We were teacher neighbors at the school I used to work at in smalltown Cali. That's how we're friends. I even dated her son for a couple months back in 2001. I was 30 then, and he had just turned 21. That is an interesting post for another day I suppose.

We finally sat down to dinner at around 8 p.m. in the restaurant there. It was beautiful with fish mobile lighting and clear seaweed decorations. We were seated at a table right next to the huge floor-to-ceiling aquarium which had tons of interesting fish and a shark or two. We put Ty's highchair right next to it, but he was still cranky from not having had his late afternoon nap. Poor little guy. A little after 9, we gave him some of our creme brulee dessert and then he finally lay his head down on his blanket which was bunched up like a pillow on the table, and he passed out. I hated to pick him up, but it was time to go.

Our meals were excellent too. We ordered the Stuffed Shrimp Enbrochette special which came with a petite sirloin, steamed broccoli and rice. Yum! I need to go back there again because my camera battery died during dinner and I want some pictures of the restaurant. The ambience was amazing. Loved it. Julia bought Ty a few things from the gift shop-- a shirt, a little ball and a book. We had a great evening and I dropped her off at her mom's at 10 p.m.

The next day Ty and I met her at Las Delicias, a Mexican restaurant, before her flight left at 8:45 p.m. We had dinner with her brother and his two adult children. We got to chat a bit before she had to take off for the airport. I'm so glad I got to see an old friend. I talked to her this evening and she had made it home at 1 a.m. I think the trip was good for her. A person living in that small Cali town HAS to get away from time to time or she'll go nuts.

Tonight I again tried calling my friend Carla, who also lives in the same town. We haven't spoken in forever. She never e-mails me either. She was my best friend there and we used to do so much together. But now she is living with her fiance, plays part-time stepmom, and is a big-shot administrator at a middle school after teaching kindergarten for 7 years. We are exactly the same age-- same birthday, same year. When I went to smalltown Cali last August, Ty and I stayed at her brand-new house. Ty was just 2 months old at the time, and I showed him off to everyone. After that visit, Carla never really maintained contact with me; I don't know why. I know she's very busy, but still. With how technology is today, it's not that difficult to keep up with people. I sent her a bouquet of flowers to say Thanks for letting us stay with her, but I never heard if she ever received them, until I think, maybe, when we spoke on our Birthday, which is Pearl Harbor Day (Dec. 7th, the Day of Infamy, in case you don't know).

In February, when my beloved 12-year-old Sheltie died, I sent everyone an e-mail about the sad news. I heard back from each person except Carla. This made me so sad, and I'm still hung up about it. She used to doggy-sit for me and knew how special my dogs are to me. To not even reply to my e-mail is just bad manners. In July I sent her a Thinking of You card that I made with some of Ty's 1-year-old photos. (I sent one to lots of people.) She finally called one day near the end of August to say hi, she got the photos, she hopes I'm doing well, etc. Except I wasn't home, so she left the message on the machine. I remember that day because Ty and I had gone to Target and my car wouldn't start after I was done shopping. The battery was dead, and I had to call Joel who came out to boost me.

So I called her Friday evening, got her voice mail, no return call. And I called her this evening, got her voice mail again. At this point, I wonder if I'll even get an invitation to her wedding. For all I know, she's married right now. I really need to get some friends here. Which reminds me- I want to call Maya and see if she wants to go out to dinner, just us two, or maybe shopping. It's on my To Do List for tomorrow. I want some new fall clothes so badly! Stuff that fits. I just know that if I blow a thousand bucks on new clothes, I'll probably drop 10 pounds in two months and the new clothes will be too baggy. Oh well. If that's what it takes. Macy's-- here I come.

Moans, Groans and Phones

My friend Julia is in town but I haven't seen her yet. After her 6:40 a.m. flight out of Cali was cancelled yesterday, she got on a later flight and arrived in the evening instead of at noon. Originally, I was going to pick her up, have lunch, and then take her to her mom's in Aurora, but because of the barbeque I was going to, she made alternate plans to get to her mom's.

I didn't hear from her at all yesterday evening or this morning, so I finally called her cell at 1 p.m. She was having a good time at Taste of Colorado down at the Convention Center. She wanted to know if I wanted to meet her down there. I probably sounded rude when I said "No thanks," but a part of me was pissed that she hadn't called and a lot of me was tired. It feels like I haven't slept well the past couple nights. Last night I was freezing. It's been getting really chilly at night, and a trailer does not boast the best insulation in the world. So I was grumpy all day today and was missing my real house.

I was missing the peace and control of my own home. Joel loves to blast the TV, and it feels like there's a TV on all the time. I swear he is half deaf and he's only 36. I hate when a TV is on just for noise, or he'll just turn it on with no show in mind and watch something without even knowing what it is, even it's halfway through the show.

I am very sensitive to noise. I hate motorcycles. I hate when one without a muffler comes chugging up the street. It grates on my nerves so badly. I hate people who yack loudly on their cell phones (Joel is incredibly guilty of this), and they are so oblivious to others around them. Their voices automatically go up two decibels. Airports, stores and restaurants have the worst offenders. I know I am not the only person who feels this way. There is talk about the FAA lifting the ban on cell phone use on planes. I say "Don't they dare!" Is there really a need for more hostile passengers?

I had a cell phone before they became so standard. I'm talking back in 1994 when I was a senior at Texas Tech and probably one of the very few students who had one. I remember I was in a meeting in the newsroom of the school paper, and someone said a phone was ringing. It was none of the desk phones, and then someone said "It's coming from that purse." It was my purse! I can't remember if I answered it or just turned it off, but when I pulled it out, everyone stared at me, all surprised and open-jawed. They had never really seen a mobile phone in use. I got mine at Best Buy for about $100 and I think the service was through Southwestern Bell for around $20 a month. I had like 60 minutes a month or something like that. God, those were the days. Now every 12-year-old kid has one, including my niece. *sigh*

Nowadays, I haven't had a cell phone for about a year. Since I became a stay-at-home mom, I just haven't needed one. So last September, I got rid of the phone and Sprint's crappy service. That was the biggest waste of $60 a month ever. I used to have Verizon in Cali (formerly GTE Wireless) and never ever had a problem with them, even in the small town I resided and worked in. Then I moved here in July 2004 and wanted a local number and needed an updated phone, so Joel persuaded me to go with Sprint. Stupid me. He just wanted the $20 credit for referring me. But he likes them because of the 7 p.m. start on evening calls. He talks A LOT on his phone. He used to talk A LOT to me when he lived here and I lived in Cali. He called me every evening and chatted non-stop, for hours. I was annoyed with him then. Why oh why did I move here?

So Julia was supposed to call me back later, but of course she never did. Typical. I wonder if she had too much chardonnay at Taste of Denver. That woman knows how to drink. All I know is she better not call me before noon tomorrow. It's Labor Day, a bank holiday, but Joel is still electing to go to work. He doesn't actually work inside a bank; he works out in the field, all over the city, doing inventory audits of the commercial customers of the bank. If Julia ever calls me, then maybe she, Tyson and I can go to the Aquarium. I think little Ty would like that.

Brent and Maya, the hosts of the barbeque last night, absolutely adore Ty. They are a married couple that Joel knows from classes at University of Phoenix. The only other people there were two of Maya's friends from where she used to work. We got there at 7 and there was so much food, and all of it was yummy. I had a pina colada and a strawberry-lime margarita, and by 9:30 I was zonked! So sad I know. I just don't drink very often now. The truth is, I guess I don't have anyone to drink with. I don't really have any good friends here. And I'm not dating right now. So I guess I'm just a social drinker. Hmmmm.... I suppose I should try harder to create a social life for myself, but I don't think they have Happy Hour at the toddler playgroups, which is probably why I haven't joined such a thing. Though I supposed I oughtta, to get me out of the house and it'd be good for Tyson.

I just feel like I don't have that much in common with most people. It took me a long time to build up my group of friends in Cali, and I upped and left them two years ago. But I knew I had to get out of that small town or I was going to regret it. I had Atlanta in mind actually, but then I chickened out and moved here, figuring if things didn't work out here then I could just trek on over to the Peach State. Now I feel like I should stay here so Ty will have both parents in his life. And there are tons of guys and other opportunities here. I'm just not taking proper advantage of them. I know I will when I'm ready. And I'm not quite ready yet. For now I will be Miss Hermit Crab and live in this ghetto shell and be annoyed when the neighbors across the street blast their Tejano music, Harley dude chugs up the street, the TV is blaring, and Joel talks too loudly on his cell phone.

Step Right Up to Go Upside Down

I am not going to write much tonight. I took half an Ambien an hour ago, and I should be getting myself to bed like right now. I took a half hit last night and it knocked me out. I was able to wake up at 9:30 a.m. though when my alarm stirred me with the rainforest sounds. I needed to get up early because we were going to Six Flags Elitch Gardens after lunch. The first of every month is Joel's home office day, so he finished up his business and off we went, though we didn't make it there til 2:30 p.m. We knew the weather was going to change so we prepared.

The park was pretty empty. Our first stop was the Minderaser roller coaster where your legs swing free. I got right on. No lines. After the ride was over, the attendant asked if I wanted to stay seated so I could ride again. I wanted to, but Joel was waiting with Tyson, and we were taking turns riding singly and then watching him. Unfortunately for Joel, just as he was about to get on, they stopped the ride to look for some kid's prescription glasses that had fallen off while he was on the ride. Dummy. 20 minutes later they're still not going. So Joel says forget it and gets out of line. Just then, the ride starts up again. We went on a few other roller coasters. There were no lines, no waits. It was great. I loved it.

It was a rather chilly afternoon. It began in the 70s but as the clouds blew in, the temp dropped to the 60s. I think that's why everyone stayed away today and they're going to come over the weekend because the weather will be sunny and warmer. Oh well. I prefer to just go up to a ride and not wait.

We ate burgers and fries and then took Ty over to the kiddie playground. He crawled all around and played with the styrofoam balls. We did that for a half hour. They announced they were closing at 5:30. I thought they meant just that attraction would be closing for the day. Later we realized they were closing the whole park early due to low attendance. Can they do that? I'll have to look that up. So we were kinda pissed off, but the storm had arrived anyway and it was starting to sprinkle. We headed home and got to get in the HOV lane on I-25 to speed our way home. Woo-hoo!

My friend Julia arrives tomorrow morning. Ty and I will drive out to the airport to pick her up and then we'll go to lunch. She'll stay at her mom's though for Saturday night. Later in the evening, Joel, Ty and I are going over to Brent and Maya's house for a barbeque that they're having. Should be fun.