Holidays Suck
When I was a kid, I didn't understand why some adults hated the holidays and got depressed. Now that I'm 36 years old, I completely get it. I have almost come to despise this time of year. That is because when one is alone, the holidays magnify that singleness.
It is Christmas Eve, and we have no tree up, no decorations, NOTHING, save for four festive placemats on the dining room table. I've purchased all of Tyson's gifts, and "Santa" even scored an elusive TMX Elmo for him, albeit from the Evil Empire on line. I'm glad I finished all my shopping earlier this week, because that Blizzard hit Wednesday morning and we've been snowed in since then.
Joel's been a real jackass lately. I really can't stand him anymore. I just want out of here. I am lonely, miserable, and very angry with myself and my life. My renters have broken their lease and now I'm trying to find new tenants. No luck yet. My savings are dwindling down to their last few thousands, so I'm definitely going to have to find some type of income, but I don't know what the hell I want to do. Go back to teaching? or go into the civilian world?
Do I stay here and teach? I am considering, once again as I did 3 years ago, a move to Atlanta, a populous city with opportunities for work, dating, and housing. I would be somewhat closer to my family in Panama City, Fla. I would try to sell my house here, though I don't know how fast it would sell and how much I could get. I've only seriously, and I mean super seriously, been thinking about all this for about 12 hours now. It has always been in the back of my mind for the past two years, but I don't want to move Tyson away from his father. But I am so incredibly unhappy that I know I need to do something because I am descending into THE PIT again and I just don't want to be there. Everything should be so easy, but it's not.
I just want to run away from everything here.
It is Christmas Eve, and we have no tree up, no decorations, NOTHING, save for four festive placemats on the dining room table. I've purchased all of Tyson's gifts, and "Santa" even scored an elusive TMX Elmo for him, albeit from the Evil Empire on line. I'm glad I finished all my shopping earlier this week, because that Blizzard hit Wednesday morning and we've been snowed in since then.
Joel's been a real jackass lately. I really can't stand him anymore. I just want out of here. I am lonely, miserable, and very angry with myself and my life. My renters have broken their lease and now I'm trying to find new tenants. No luck yet. My savings are dwindling down to their last few thousands, so I'm definitely going to have to find some type of income, but I don't know what the hell I want to do. Go back to teaching? or go into the civilian world?
Do I stay here and teach? I am considering, once again as I did 3 years ago, a move to Atlanta, a populous city with opportunities for work, dating, and housing. I would be somewhat closer to my family in Panama City, Fla. I would try to sell my house here, though I don't know how fast it would sell and how much I could get. I've only seriously, and I mean super seriously, been thinking about all this for about 12 hours now. It has always been in the back of my mind for the past two years, but I don't want to move Tyson away from his father. But I am so incredibly unhappy that I know I need to do something because I am descending into THE PIT again and I just don't want to be there. Everything should be so easy, but it's not.
I just want to run away from everything here.
posted by Saleena | 3:28 PM
